Looking Back and Looking Ahead (2 of 2)

Taken from the online advent retreat at Pins of Light. 

December 2018 had been a difficult month for me.

What I hoped to be a satisfying ending to a burdensome year turned out to be exactly what 2018 was for me. A year of disenchantment. I felt spent. World weary.

There were triumphs and victories, of course. As evidenced by the posts I made last month in the blog, I have been productive. I have helped my communities and they have patiently helped me too. I watched my children struggle and grow. And though I have had bouts with sickness and anxiety, I was able to seek medical attention and health care. I have work. I have friends. I have family. What do I have to complain about?

 Still, my heart was heavy at the changing of the year.

Hope was a flickering candle in the dark. My faith in humanity was hinged at the edge of a precipice. 

I am bringing these all in at the beginning of 2019. Do not mistake this for negativity. It is not. I am doing this to acknowledge three truths: life is not fair; life is hard; deal with it. As much as I want to be hopeful and happy all the time, I cannot.

But this, I know. I am capable of reviving hope. I will revise my dreams. And always, always I will seek my better angels.

Bring it on, 2019!