Pilgrim's Pit Stop: Dearest Lord, Teach Me To Be Generous

Pilgrim’s Pit Stop: Dearest Lord, Teach Me To Be Generous

By Zarah C. Gagatiga, BCGG Emmanuel

Sometime in early February, I felt weighed down, irrelevant and vulnerable. Work made me listless and dissatisfied. Changes in family life left me confused, even lost. Under the circumstances, I would rather protect myself by staying in my comfort zone. I did recognize the invitation to be brave. Being brave, however, would mean taking risks, going the extra mile and stretching an arm and a leg. I found myself asking, “what for?” and at “what cost?” I was tired.

For several days, I allowed myself to be irresponsible. And it helped me. Seriously, it did. I stepped back from the noise. I loosened up. I ranted.

That was when, for some reason, I heard the song Prayer of Generosity a couple of times. I heard it one time in the van on my way to work. Then at school, when some students preparing for the school fair burst out singing liturgical songs and Panalangin ng Pagiging Bukas Palad was in the play list. Na-LSS* tuloy ako.

Indeed, God knows me so well that He called me back in a way that is loving and tender. He spoke to me through music and song. A language I could truly understand.

Recognizing this grace, I tucked it in my prayer and opened myself to God’s hands.

Dearest Lord, Teach me to be generous… to give and not to count the cost… except that of knowing, that I do Your most holy will.

This was my prayer and God’s response was immediate and swift.

A few days after that episode, I found myself reconnecting with my father whom I do not regularly see except on family holidays and emergencies. For a week, my seventy year old father stayed with us. My kids experienced once again, how it is to have a grandfather.  To our delight, he repaired the old bike that has gotten rusty over the years. This gesture seemed so small, but the message is laden with life lessons. My father’s presence at home reminded me of two things: to live in the now and to simply be.

A month has passed and I have kept in touch with my father. I realized how selfish I have been in taking care of my aging parents. This is a role reversal I was not ready to take on. I carried it with a burden and refused to accept the blessings that it offered me. Apparently, God has a way of showing me the gifts of family life in light of the changing dynamics between parent and child. The child will always learn from the parent in whatever stage or cycle they are in. I did receive the grace of generosity and more! Humility. Forgiveness. And gratitude.