Pilgrim's Pit Stop: What's Love Got To Do With It?

Exactly ten years ago, I wrote an essay about love for the February issue of the Magis Deo Newsletter.  Back then, we were able to churn out monthly issues. Ten years after, a lot of things have changed but the love remains.

I have an archive of the articles and essays I have written in a private

online journal so I recalled what I wrote about love in that issue.

This is the advantage of keeping soft copies of works and written articles

in this age of digital media. Going back to memory lane is easier and

more accessible.

Reading the article, one paragraph struck me because, to this day, I still believe

in the words I professed. I wrote, “when we realise its (love’s) presence

in our lives, we are moved to do greater things beyond our known capacity.

In our all too human eyes, the ordinary becomes extraordinary.

A painful experience transforms into something beautiful. The old is seen as

fresh and new, even ageless. With love, time and space do not matter at all.

In love, we’re diminished but we surface more enriched and fulfilled.

When we love we become fearless. We endure. We persevere… We grow.”

I think about how these lofty beliefs and ideals on love are made real in my life

in the decade that passed. I was only thirty four when I gave up a work and

a position I enjoyed doing over truth, fairness and humility. Ten years ago,

I witnessed how estranged family members helped us survive Ondoy

in its aftermath. I was gifted with the kindness from friends when I least

expected it. I received the generosity of communities I belong to

so I can revive my hope and faith in humanity. There are days when I pray

for a humbled heart to continue acknowledging this grace

because, I feel I do not deserve it all.

As a wife and mother, my heart has been broken several times over. Yet, I go on

loving and living because I am surprised that I am capable of devotion

and faithfulness. For this, I thank my husband and my children.

At the ripe old age of forty four, these I know. True love allows us to accept loss.

Things will never be the same again in parting and in leave taking, but it is alright.

And, when it is time to set free the people I hold dear, it is a way of

loving myself as well.  

May you find love and may love continuously find you! Happy Valentine’s day!

On Reading and Parenting (1 of 3)

Here is full transcript of my talking points on Reading and Parenting which I presented in the LibTalk Conference 2017. Parts 2 and 3 will be posted in the coming days, so watch out for it!

Reading and Parenting: 10 Talking Points

1. The home is the child’s first school.

In the story Lizard’s Song, Bear learned from Lizard that knowing one’s identity is tied to a knowledge of one’s home. When you know who you are and where you come from, you will always find your way in the world. Should you get lost or confused, go back home and there, you will find yourself. Once the self is found again, a new cycle of living, loving and learning begins.

It is in the home, as nurtured by the family, where a child builds and forms his or her self worth and self concept. These are two important things that parents can provide and bestow in their children. Psychologist Dr. Honey Carandang, in her book, The Filipino Family Surviving the World (Anvil Publishing, 2008), emphasized the impact that parents and significant adults have on children when influencing and  modeling positive values. Positive self concept and self worth develop when children interact and engage with adults in their family circles. Their parents are their first teachers.

Where to begin then? It is essential to always respect the child’s personhood.(Carandang, 2008)

For my talk, I will focus on the child’s developmental contexts and the cognitive signs that are attributed to reading skills. We will use  two lenses. Lens number one is focused on the child’s reading growth. Lens number two looks at books and reading materials appropriate for his or her needs.

2. Reading begins at home.

Dr. Quenna Lee Chua, co-author of the said book, conducted a study among scholars of the Ateneo De Manila University. It included their families and the variables that contribute to their academic success. This research was done back in 2005.

    Remarkable findings are as follows:    

• The scholars are successful both in academics and in the application of life skills.
• Their parents set goals and realistic disciplinary measures to meet them.
• The parents are hands-on in helping them develop habits of learning.
• Their parents believe in strong family bonds, self-reliance, and perseverance. Even before Angela Duckworth learned about grit, Dr. Quenna Lee Chua already discovered its relevance in lifelong learning.
• The parents value learning and at home, it is encouraged among the children to apply and live out in their daily lives. Many of the parents who were interviewed prioritize two things from the family budget, food and books. Nourish the body and nurture the mind.
   

3. Create an environment that promotes and fosters a genuine love for books and reading.

   

As a parent, how do you create a home environment that encourages learning?

My top five tips are as follows:

1. Listen to your child. Hold your own truth lightly in your hands and focus on what your child is saying. You will understand him or her better when you put aside yourself, your own dreams for them and what you wish them to be. Your child is yours to take care and love, but they belong to the world.

2. Talk to them as often as possible. Keep the lines of communication open at all times.

3. Allow them to ask questions. Accommodate even the tough questions that you have no answer for. Discover these issues and questions your child have. Avoid put downs, labels and blocks to their thought processes. Learn from them too. One of the graces I discovered in being a parent is that, I grow and learn from my children.

4. Develop a family reading time, model the reading habit and manage the use of technological gadgets. I think this would require another session all together since technology is another variable we have to understand. But, the important thing is, your children see you reading a book, food labels, social media pages, mobile phone messages, billboards, TV ads and teleradio announcements etc.

If you can teach your child how to read different media formats, well and good. If not, leave it to the formal instruction of teachers. Cooperate and collaborate with them. Teachers are your allies.

5. Invest on books. And I mean the print book that children can touch, smell, turn the pages over and embrace. The print book has the physical landscape that enables the brain to remember more information. Memory plays an important role in learning.

A lot to do, yes! But this is what parenting is all about. It will be all worth it. Trust

the process. To quote Dr. Lee Chua, genuine learning requires reflection, patience  and perseverance. (Carandang, 2008)

The Official Press Release: Where Have I Been The Past Three Weeks

First of all, I wish to thank everyone who prayed for me and my family during our medical crises. Having said this, allow me to tell the tale.

During the APEC holiday, I was bent on finishing a paper for poster presentation in the PLAI Congress, a module for teacher training and three stories for a project with Lampara Books. But, amoebiasis kicked in and it was pretty bad. The infection went on for a week. The doctor had to extend my antibiotics for three more days. I was also given a recommendation to undergo a colonoscopy. That was how bad things were.

The infection affected my disposition and my general outlook in life. For the first time, all my fears came into consciousness. It didn't help that the gastro doctor told me outright that there are cases of amoebiasis that actually reveal a tumor or cancerous polyps. How could I work and write in such circumstances?

Apart from medicines from the pharmacy, I have taken to eat and consume natural home remedies. Bone broth with ginger for cleansing and healing of stomach infection and kalamansi juice for vitamin C to boost the immune system.

I tried thinking logically. I asked a lot of questions. I back tracked at how I have been living my life for the past years. And yes, I prayed and begged for family and friends to pray for me. This gave me great comfort. The prayer companions who were with me through my physical and mental ordeal bolstered my weakening spirits. I knew what to do. I was bent on getting that colonoscopy done.

Checking the school calendar, I had applied for a leave on the first week of December. However, my daughter's heart prolapse flared that week and she had to be admitted to the hospital for further tests. To add a hair on the camel's back, our eldest, Nico, was also scheduled for a holter monitor for the medical management of his heart block that same week. When it rains, oh, it pours!

When Zoe was discharged from the hospital, she took home a heart monitoring test that required us to go back for one more diagnosis. It was done as an out patient procedure. So far, her heart prolapse is still with in the normal range of contraction and conduction. Her pedia-cardio gave her management techniques to do, so that she can avoid flare ups. She has mitral valve prolapse, a heart condition that can be managed proactively. Her doctor wrote on her medical notebook which included five basic tips:

1. Drink only water. No caffeine or energy drinks.
2. Sleep for eight hours and get enough rest.
3. Know the cause of your stress and reduce these stressors.
4. Learn how to relax.
5. *Take up a sport or a hobby that will strengthen the heart.

* Your own choice and not something imposed on you.

The bottom line here is healthy living. The same philosophy goes with me.

After 20 years, I was back at the Makati Medical Center for a three day confinement. There I undergone colonoscopy and ultrasound tests. It was like getting an executive check up. This is a medical exercise I intend to do on a regular basis.

While my colonoscopy, ultrasound, full abdominal and transvaginal, were all clear, meaning there is nothing serious or alarming, this whole medical crisis is a wake up call for me to further my quest for living a healthy lifestyle. It was a good thing I started losing weight in 2013 and changed eating habits at the same time. Those two years lessened the risk of any serious malady. I was scared to death going through all the procedures. As my cardiologist told me, 40 is the new 50!

This episode in my life gave me a lot to think about. It put things in perspective. From the start of my medical ordeal, I asked myself what do I really need and what does the world require of me. Of course I know the answers. It is only a matter of realizing this concept, this abstraction of choosing a far greater love that poses a big challenge. Because, it requires me to choose this part of myself that needs to be small. Now I smile, after connecting the dots. When I turned 41 years old last August, I prayed to God to make me small. He did make me small. An answered prayer.