Pilgrim’s Pit Stop: Living and Loving in A Masked World

And so I am back after a long hiatus from writing and contributing to the Magis Deo Newsletter. One text message from Cesar Sangalang made me turn around. It was a reminder on the value of community involvement given the circumstances. As if living is not complicated enough, the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted everything I know as normal and manageable.

 Suddenly, distance and physical space took on a whole new meaning. Facts and information need to be verified and validated by critically examining the source and the intent of its authors before sharing them to the public. Divisions among people and culture have all been magnified and gaps appear to grow wider as science and technology push for cures and solutions to this virus as well as the illnesses that malign society today. To hear news from the Inter-agency Task Force every day does not help alleviate anxieties and fears in a time of uncertainty and unprecedented change. School campuses remain close but there is a need to continue learning most especially at home and from home. We all find ourselves in this predicament. But, strive we must to survive. And it is in the struggle where we thrive and find grace.

Take for example the basic health protocol of frequent hand washing, the observance of social distancing and the wearing of mask when going out. It all sounds simple to do but these health practices require generosity and kindness from each of us. It is about personal care, interior freedom and the challenge to continuously “be”. This is the call of the time and the teaching of Ignatius no less.

Of the three health guidelines, it is the wearing of masks that fascinates me to no end. Wearing a surgical mask, we protect ourselves from the coronavirus and those we get in contact with. Wearing a mask pre-COVID-19, however, had a different meaning. In the Marriage Encounter experience, wearing a mask is an act that prevents us from being authentic and real, but now it is considered an act of love. What remains as constant is God’s call to continue building a relationship with Him with or without a mask. Because our ways of loving differ from one another, the response to the call of nurturing this relationship varies too.

In my quest to find a quiet and scared space to be with God, I discovered Fall in Love, a poem by Fr. Pedro Arrupe.

Nothing is more practical than finding God, than

Falling in love

In a quiet absolute, final way

What are you in love with

What seizes your imagination, will

Affect everything.

It will decide

What will get you out of bed in the

Morning.

What you do with your evenings,

How you spend your weekends

What you read, whom you know,

What breaks your heart,

What amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love

And it will decide everything.

This poem helps me work through the Examen as I reflect on my desires and the grace asked and received especially in this time of pandemic.

Pilgrim's Pit Stop: Reflections on Faith and Life

If you are a follower of the blog, you may have noticed the regular posts I have been writing about: my faith and my relationship with God, the tests and trials I go through - big and small, and the many surprises life has been throwing my way. This Holy Week, as I continue to reflect on the amazing moments when I discover that God is present in my life, I curate these written reflections. Looking back at these events makes me grateful. I am humbled by the graces I receive.

This series of reflections is entitled Pilgrim's Pit Stop.

On Generosity How I pray for grace and when it is answered, it can be life changing and life affirming.

On the Examen and Prayer Apps The Daily Examen is a core of Ignatian Spirituality. Praying the Examen everyday allows me to see and to find God in all things. Through the Examen, I recognize the many colors of life and its complexities. Deep with in the prayer exercise, I experience a knowledge of who I am. It is not always a pleasant discovery. But since God is with me in prayer and in every moment, I am consoled.

On Love and Transcendence  When I realized that I am capable of loving and going beyond myself.

On Midlife and Growing Old with Grace Transitioning to midlife is not a walk in the park, but it can gracefully be achieved!

Living in the Now I have been battling with anxiety since I turned forty years old. I have been prescribed to take medicines but, I opted to go a naturel. Strengthening my spiritual anchor is one way of dealing with the condition.

Pilgrim's Pit Stop appears 4-6 times in a year in the Magis Deo Newsletter. I have been writing for the Magis Deo Newsletter since 2006, when my husband I first joined the community. I took a leave for two years, I think and went back in 2016. It was actually the year when I had my mini-stroke.

You can read about my journey on a second chance on life by following these links: The Big Reveal: My Stroke of Luck, My Stroke of Luck: Trying to Make Sense of It All, My Stroke of Luck: On the Road to Recovery.

Pilgrim's Pit Stop: Dearest Lord, Teach Me To Be Generous

Pilgrim’s Pit Stop: Dearest Lord, Teach Me To Be Generous

By Zarah C. Gagatiga, BCGG Emmanuel

Sometime in early February, I felt weighed down, irrelevant and vulnerable. Work made me listless and dissatisfied. Changes in family life left me confused, even lost. Under the circumstances, I would rather protect myself by staying in my comfort zone. I did recognize the invitation to be brave. Being brave, however, would mean taking risks, going the extra mile and stretching an arm and a leg. I found myself asking, “what for?” and at “what cost?” I was tired.

For several days, I allowed myself to be irresponsible. And it helped me. Seriously, it did. I stepped back from the noise. I loosened up. I ranted.

That was when, for some reason, I heard the song Prayer of Generosity a couple of times. I heard it one time in the van on my way to work. Then at school, when some students preparing for the school fair burst out singing liturgical songs and Panalangin ng Pagiging Bukas Palad was in the play list. Na-LSS* tuloy ako.

Indeed, God knows me so well that He called me back in a way that is loving and tender. He spoke to me through music and song. A language I could truly understand.

Recognizing this grace, I tucked it in my prayer and opened myself to God’s hands.

Dearest Lord, Teach me to be generous… to give and not to count the cost… except that of knowing, that I do Your most holy will.

This was my prayer and God’s response was immediate and swift.

A few days after that episode, I found myself reconnecting with my father whom I do not regularly see except on family holidays and emergencies. For a week, my seventy year old father stayed with us. My kids experienced once again, how it is to have a grandfather.  To our delight, he repaired the old bike that has gotten rusty over the years. This gesture seemed so small, but the message is laden with life lessons. My father’s presence at home reminded me of two things: to live in the now and to simply be.

A month has passed and I have kept in touch with my father. I realized how selfish I have been in taking care of my aging parents. This is a role reversal I was not ready to take on. I carried it with a burden and refused to accept the blessings that it offered me. Apparently, God has a way of showing me the gifts of family life in light of the changing dynamics between parent and child. The child will always learn from the parent in whatever stage or cycle they are in. I did receive the grace of generosity and more! Humility. Forgiveness. And gratitude.

Pilgrim's Pit Stop: What's Love Got To Do With It?

Exactly ten years ago, I wrote an essay about love for the February issue of the Magis Deo Newsletter.  Back then, we were able to churn out monthly issues. Ten years after, a lot of things have changed but the love remains.

I have an archive of the articles and essays I have written in a private

online journal so I recalled what I wrote about love in that issue.

This is the advantage of keeping soft copies of works and written articles

in this age of digital media. Going back to memory lane is easier and

more accessible.

Reading the article, one paragraph struck me because, to this day, I still believe

in the words I professed. I wrote, “when we realise its (love’s) presence

in our lives, we are moved to do greater things beyond our known capacity.

In our all too human eyes, the ordinary becomes extraordinary.

A painful experience transforms into something beautiful. The old is seen as

fresh and new, even ageless. With love, time and space do not matter at all.

In love, we’re diminished but we surface more enriched and fulfilled.

When we love we become fearless. We endure. We persevere… We grow.”

I think about how these lofty beliefs and ideals on love are made real in my life

in the decade that passed. I was only thirty four when I gave up a work and

a position I enjoyed doing over truth, fairness and humility. Ten years ago,

I witnessed how estranged family members helped us survive Ondoy

in its aftermath. I was gifted with the kindness from friends when I least

expected it. I received the generosity of communities I belong to

so I can revive my hope and faith in humanity. There are days when I pray

for a humbled heart to continue acknowledging this grace

because, I feel I do not deserve it all.

As a wife and mother, my heart has been broken several times over. Yet, I go on

loving and living because I am surprised that I am capable of devotion

and faithfulness. For this, I thank my husband and my children.

At the ripe old age of forty four, these I know. True love allows us to accept loss.

Things will never be the same again in parting and in leave taking, but it is alright.

And, when it is time to set free the people I hold dear, it is a way of

loving myself as well.  

May you find love and may love continuously find you! Happy Valentine’s day!