Pilgrim's Pit Stop: Through the Shadows and Into the Light

Many years ago, when Domeng and I were relatively new members of Magis Deo, we attended various formation activities organized and designed by the Magis Deo elders. The prayer deepening talks and workshops of  Eva Galvey and Monchito Mossesgeld made memorable impressions most especially. I learned a lot from their inputs, the sharing of experiences and their facilitation of skills in building an awareness of feelings. This was before attending a number of Annual Ignatian Retreats. 

These prayer workshops were all beneficial to my growth in Ignatian Spirituality. It helped me focus on my emotions as a way to inform my actions and behavior. I developed a better understanding of myself. This is one of the many benefits when praying the Examen and it leads to more wonderful discoveries. 

The “me” that I often find in the Examen is both beautiful and strange. Creative and destructive. This “me” is capable of generosity and can be downright selfish too. Praying the Examen makes me see my shadow and my light. While there in the shadows lurk my demons, there is always the light to turn towards to. Praying the Examine helps me see this play of darkness and light. It gives me the power to choose and to make decisions. This in itself is God’s gift. God’s grace. God protects and nourishes. And He too, empowers! Praying the Examen amplifies God’s magnificence in my life and in the wholeness of creation.  

I bring myself  into this reflections on prayer workshops, the Examen and Ignatian Spirituality because, recently, I have done something I am not proud of. I know I hurt many people. I realize I acted on behalf of myself without thinking through my actions. Then again, I did not regret doing it either. I am now ambivalent of the entire experience. However, I do find myself praying on this ambivalence. 

Perhaps God is just waiting for me to realize something more about the complexities of human nature. I appreciate that He is there, allowing me to figure things out on my own. All the more reason that I continue praying the Examen and to be sensitive to God’s movement in my life.